How to Balance What We Want in the Bedroom and Beyond

“…in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes”

I complacently agree. Then randomly I wondered, What are the least certain things in this world? A brief search on my social media, then it became clear.

Sleep and sex. Apparently, we all WANT more, but none of us know when or if we’ll ever get more of it. Then it dawned on me. These two typically have an INVERSE relationship, meaning the more we have of one, the less we have of the other. Fail.

Image: Flickr user Mazzali

In our busy everyday lives, we work our asses off to further our career then spend time viewing our timelines to see that your friends are happier than you. So to satisfy our “relations”, we head to the bar, it’s 3AM and the person of your beer-goggled dreams is surprisingly still there, shifting their eyes between you and the door insinuating a done deal.  The next morning you post on Facebook, “Uggh, I need more sleep! If you know what I mean..”  A golf clap for the humblebragger.

But don’t judge them if you’re on the opposite end (un)fortunately getting more sleep. They’re jealous that you’re already wildly successful in your career because you’re well-rested and driven to get in before your boss and then leave after them. Ultimately we experience, in some form or fashion, choosing between sex or sleep, or live with some unexceptional in-between.

Unfortunately, I cannot help you on either end of the spectrum. The bedroom is a sacred place and balance must be achieved in its own right.  However, I can share some of my unequivocal tips to address them both:

Before you go to bed:

  • Brush your teeth and floss – Hygiene! It’s good for you. And your partner.
  • Maintain a stateless mind – When you sleep, your mind organizes your memories and thoughts, so going to bed with a stateless mind will help you fall asleep faster. It’ll also prevent you from thinking about your ex when you’re in bed with someone new.
  • Limit alcoholic beverages – Alcohol actually causes an increase in sleep disruption in the second half of sleep.  Also having to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom is probably one of the most annoying reasons you wake. I think we all know the consequences of this if you’re not about to go to sleep.
  • Electronics – No and yes. ‘Nuff said.

After you wake up:

  • Pad and pencil – Write down your thoughts when you awaken.  Your mind is clear so capture some of your best ideas before you lose them in the shower. Also if things go well, write down his/her name and number to avoid that awkward conversation trying to figure it out later.
  • Drink a full glass of water – Not only does this hydrate you, but it’ll boost your metabolism and waken your cells. You can also wash away the dreaded morning breath which turns off anyone faster than a bad pun.
  • Eat breakfast – Don’t forget, it’s the most important meal of the day! You can also take your partner to the local diner or fix them breakfast-in-bed. (a romantic but cheap date)

These are easy things I try to do to focus on ‘better quality of some things’ and not ‘more of everything’. Each addresses those pulling forces between the two things we need in life that’s always uncertain. If we can joyfully balance these two, every other choice shouldn’t be as difficult as you make it out to be.  And if you’re so hard-pressed on choosing one thing over the other; unless it’s regarding death or taxes, it’s ok to sleep on it.


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