Friday 5: Friends You Need To Spend Less Time With

I was very much inspired by this post “30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself” by another blogger couple Marc and Angel.  The first thing on their list was like a lightning bolt for me: Stop spending time with the wrong people.  They were so right!  I was too exhausted, too broke, or too time-crunched to actually focus on the people and the things that were important to me because I spent too much time with people who just straight SUCKED the happiness out of me, like:

  1. The Frivolous Spender. If you are a bazillionaire poppin’ bottles at the club and rolling out in your brand new Mercedes, I would venture to say that you are not frivolous.  When I call you frivolous, I simply mean this: you are living way outside your means.  I get bewildered when I see someone I know making $28,000 a year carrying around a $3,000 purse. They wave the things you want and love to tell you how much it cost, without telling you what else they gave up to get it, and in lieu of that information, you assume they have everything.  Don’t believe you need what they have.  You don’t.
  2. The Facebook Fiend. That guy or girl who spends more time on their phone posting statuses of how much fun they’re having than actually participating in the event in real time.  Any time you try to start having more than a 5-minute dialogue with them, their eyes start wandering and their hand starts twitching to pick up the phone to see what they missed in their news feed. They’re no fun to hang out with anyway. You’re better off saving the money on trying to have dinner with them and just catching them on g-chat later.
  3. The Forever Alone. Never the bridesmaid or the bride.  They project their unhappiness unto you along with anyone who will listen.  Work sucks, friends suck, life sucks. Who wants to be stuck with a Debbie Downer?  Bad mojo, no thank you. After you’ve filled your quota of bitch-fests, let them know you’ll be back when they finally hop off the wahhh-mbulance.
  4. The Flibbertigibbet. I learned a new word today!  This is that lovable person in your life who is obsessed with gossiping about other people.  NEWSFLASH!  Not everything they say is completely accurate, not because they are liars, but they simply weren’t there and typically have a very lopsided story of what really happened.  And even bigger NEWSFLASH! When you’re not around, you can bet they’re talking about you.
  5. The Frenemy. My favorite friend.  The one you can’t stand, and really have nothing good to say about, but when face-to-face are the best of buds.  And when they’re not around, you’re just wasting more time trash talking them.  Just stop it.  No one is gaining anything from this relationship, and all you look like is petty.

Now as I put this list together, I had another ah-ha moment.  am a version of every one of these to someone else in my life.  How much would it suck if someone I cared about actually took my advice to stop hanging out with me, because I fell into one of these buckets?  And that’s when I realized that these people are not bad people, and I’d like to say, neither am I.  But I do realize that the people you need to be surrounded with are the people who bring out the best in you, not the worst.  So, while it may seem daunting and trivial, I’ve spent a lot of time evaluating the relationships in my life and deciding who is worth investing in supporting each other to be a better version of ourselves, and who is better to cut my losses now.  And for that, I can really focus on the few that are important and make each minute of my life better spent.

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2 thoughts on “Friday 5: Friends You Need To Spend Less Time With

  1. To add to #4, there’s a saying that goes something like: “The more Paul talks about Jim, the more you learn about Paul than you do Jim.” I have to admit I’m both guilty of and victim of some of the above, but to acknowledge and strive for self-improvement is key. Lastly, that “Mean Girls” image: how fitting!

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